At The Ridge School, we often engage with parents and educators about discipline and good behaviour. It’s a constant area of consideration and improvement both for teachers and parents. The focus on discipline at The Ridge School has initiated an interesting discourse and debate. One thing is clear - there is no silver bullet or singular factor to bringing about behavioural change. It is the outcome of a million little things. While the focus on behaviour is important, a greater emphasis must be placed on mindset if one is to change the culture of our society. All behaviour is an outcome of a larger system and for the behaviour to change, we need a mindset shift. In this article, we look at the results of a recent survey conducted among parents and teachers to gain insight into our boys’ behaviour and underpin better disciplinary tactics.
Friendship As A Protector
When asked what makes boys happiest at school, both parents and teachers agreed that it was friendship. In a close circle of friends, bullying is reduced, as bullies will typically target someone who is alone. On a deeper level, friendships provide psychological safety, belonging and acceptance – the root of our well-being. Friends are evidence that we belong and are understood.
Positive actions parents can take:
- Organise more play dates – Through supervised interaction, understanding and belonging will develop.
- Offer to be a friend – Encourage your son to be the one who reaches out to others.
- Get your son to sign The Ridge pledge.
- Get your son to sign up to be an upstander.
Counteracting Anxiety At School
When asked what contributes most to anxiety, parents and teachers differed in response, with parents thinking that it was academics and fear of being reprimanded, and teachers thinking it had more to do with social interaction. To effectively help boys overcome anxiety and reduce bullying, all stakeholders need a unified understanding of what boys are going through and what support they can provide.
Here are some things to be mindful of:
Boys will make mistakes: They will misbehave and make poor choices. It’s to be expected, and it’s part of growing up. Our responsibility is not to accept it but to invest the time in remodelling it.
Don’t assume boys will live your values: Every boy is different when he is alone or with his family and when he is amongst his peers. Social values and skills need to be taught so he can operate effectively in a community.
Communicate calmly: An adult should never say, “I am shouting at you because I care for you.” They should rather say, “I am shouting at you because I cannot regulate my emotions.” It is our responsibility as adults to bring calm to a situation – not add to the chaos.
Look at the long term - it is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults: Neuroscience has taught us that a boy’s brain is only fully developed in his mid-twenties (sorry – it takes time!). Self-control is one of the last things to grow in that part of the brain. Thus, boys model their behaviour on the influential adults in their lives. We need to repeat – a thousand times a day if we must – the behaviours we want to see in our boys. The Ridge School discourages labelling children – use adjectives and verbs to describe behaviour rather than using nouns to define the person.
Be open-minded about consequences: There must be restorative consequences but not of the typical kind. The best methods for discipline today look different than they once did. When children cannot read, we teach them to read. When children cannot do mathematics, we teach them. When children cannot behave, is it better to punish or teach them good behaviour?
Speak to us at The Ridge School on 011 481 5800 about your concerns surrounding behaviour and discipline and how we can work together for a brighter future for our boys.